12:40
BOTEC 1: Blessing of the energy centres 1 – A 45min guided meditation by Joe Dispenza
TWIM: Tranquil Wisdom Insight Meditation – Loving kindness meditation
Last night I woke at 3am. The swelling in my right side was quite bad and I was in discomfort. I did BOTEC 1, and then a 15minute heart coherence meditation. Then I repeated the mantra “loving kindness for myself” until I fell back asleep. I then woke again at 11am, feeling quite tired and rough. There was still a bit of swelling in the side. I went for a five minute walk and felt discomfort. Doing TWIM right upon waking is optimal and I will be careful not to skip it again.
Today I remembered a few weeks ago, I woke at 3am and I just had this overwhelming clarity about how much relentless stress my body endured from ages 13 onwards. It made me realise how it is zero surprise my body is in the state it is in, from all the mental stress, drugs, binge eating, and traumatic events I went through. The feeling was like “oh, okay. This reality I’m living now is the obvious outcome to those events”. In one way it was reassuring, because if certain things led me here, certain things can heal me. I can heal me. I’m not magically sick, my body has been brutally mistreated and I have a whole load of ugly stuff in my subconscious that needs clearing out.
It was reassuring because it felt like I’m just living my karma. Not that I deserve all the physical pain, but that it didn’t fall out of the sky. This model of reality is empowering because it places me in the driver seat.
The experience that night felt like a message from above. It was showing me something. It was showing me reality. It was showing me the fact of the matter. My body has endured, been damaged, and now needs repair. It is up to me to repair it with yoga – yoga meaning union with God.
Today I will do meditation with intention. I will do Shambhavi Kriya x2 of course, but along with that I will also do at least one Joe Dispenza guided meditation and bits of twim throughout the day.
14:46:
Finally meditated. Just did Shambhavi Mahamudra Kriya. Meditation is awesome. Meditation is amazing. I love meditation. I didn’t feel good today. My side is still iffy like, but… Before meditation things seem scattered and messy. After everything feels very orderly. The stillness feels godly. You know in that state it is the source of all things. You know maintaining that state is the means through which you achieve all dreams. I feel so blessed that illness has forced me so deep into the path of yoga. Discipline is clean. It is Godly. It is awesome. Order. Harmony. Coherence. Love. Balance. Power. These all arise from yoga. Yoga stills the mind. It ceases the fluctuations of mind activity and places one securely within the spirit, rooted in the spine, aligned with presence. Aligned with God. I know my body can totally heal if I keep walking in that direction.
18:55
I got distracted kinda. After that grace period above, I went to eat, and got stressed a little, then Chris showed up, and it was quite some time before I got back to my room. I felt scattered and off. I lay down to rest until E Tolle’s community session, but then my house became free so I started freestyling which I had no busniess doing with my energy being low and scattered. Then I thankfully sat on the yoga mat and after some time felt less off. Tolle came on, and I sat upright on the mat, and soon I felt that grace come over me again. I felt free. I felt detached. I want to laugh. I felt light. I let go. We have a strong tendency to start giving a fuck about a lot of things when we interact with the external world and when our mind acitivity goes on unchecked. To enter grace me must let go and realise most of our reality is a hallucination, and that it is based on illusion. Our desires and fixations are based on the illusion of permanance. When we settle into the present moment, into the sensations in our body, we come into contact with sanity. We see life and death as it is, and then the fixations fall away, and we see that sanity comes from detachment and simplicity. Desires, attachments, and possessions cause us to become drained of life energy, and disconnected from divinity, disconnected from presence. Then the insanity arises.
Detachment from mind activity and from the world in general is key to staying in that empowered state of true sanity characterised by presence and awareness.
After the Tolle talk, we had thirty minutes in a zoom call in groups of 4. My three were nice. I enjoyed speaking with them in the state of presence that tends to arise after listening to Tolle.
21:25
DAMN! Got distracted dicking around. Building the aaronpeterlyons.com website more… but you know how some work is necessary and good, but some work feels like mental masturbation. This was the latter. None of what I did was urgent or majorly necessary. It couldve been done in a fraction of the time earlier in the day.
I think a benefit of doing this daily diary thing is that I am constantly holding myself accountable.
I will disconnect from tech now and go to sleep. When I wake up I will do TWIM, then walk, then SM Kriya.