So… Last night was brutal. I couldnt sleep until 5am. I was freezing (despite the room being warm) and my side was in a lot of pain. I pushed myself by going out when already feeling shit, used paracetamol to ignore the pain so I could see Jamie before he left, got stoned with him which made me forget I was sick so stayed longer than I should, then when I lay down I there was just total crisis inside.
I woke up feeling terrible. I spent most of the day trying to sleep and in a lot of discomfort. At around 5pm I started crying and mentally shouted at God, then I entered a state of grace and had a spiritual experience. A great deal of clarity came with. I went to the yoga mat and sat in lotus for 45 minutes. Then I did a 15 minute Joe D meditation which made me cry a lot, it felt so good. Crying and feeling is important. It is a sign energy is moving. I want to stay in the feeling of aliveness.
In that meditative state I contemplated fasting for the night and just staying all night in meditation, then I went to eat dinner and talk with fam instead. I sort of regret not eating less, and then going back to meditation. Food tends to ground you back in the physical.
When I had the state of heightened clarity from the meditation the overwhelming conviction was to go all in with meditation. Take it more seriously. Keep doing it. Keep surrendering. Spend hours on the mat. When the knees hurt stretch. When you are overcome with information type/write. Then return to it. The feeling of unconditional joy and the feeling of love and acceptance for yourself. Make that your home, your baseline, from which you temporarily arise from to do the necessities in the physical world.
This is how things were in July of 24. I spent so long in that stillness. The unknown became my home. It was heavenly. I showered, cooked, ate, exercised, all as expressions of my love for myself, expressions of compassion, I felt whole. When you let’s say eat for example, not from a place of wholeness, but from lack, then you eat in a lower way. It becomes harmful to the body then.
Yoga is the way. When I reach crisis and I cry out for clarity the symbols of yoga arise, and what it means becomes clear in its essence. It’s like cleanness. Or purity. It’s goodness. Wisdom. Right action. Sunlight. Stretch. Meditate. Read sacred text. Do these essentials. Prioritise being aligned. Don’t fall into doing these actions out of obligation or necessity or in order to gain something. Don’t let them become a means to an end. Do them as expression of wholeness and alignment. Do this by staying in the state of love and wholeness and self-acceptance by making TWIM (metta meditation) your default.
Kanye released five songs from his new album which releases end of January. I liked two of the songs a lot. Hopeful for this album. 2026 will be dope.