Most agony I’ve ever felt in my throat! Cold plus my immune being totally knocked by whatever’s been causing me agony all year. Last night I was reduced to that state where I’m like a child afraid. Praying begging to God and Jesus until I finally got some escape into that state of spaciousness and grace. Outerbody type state.
I’m so damn done with this endless suffering. My body is almost constantly hell to be inside.
the mind can’t handle this indefinitely. I don’t want to go insane. I don’t want my personality to be undesirably shaped by the constant darkness. It’s not constant darkness… In fact the suffering pushes me into grace and beauty and love quite a lot but fuck sake my poor body like. This isn’t good. I need I need I need to run straight into the light without flinching, without looking back, I need to totally dissolve myself into brahman, allah, God. I need to give up on this world and totally unify myself with the source of all creation. Even though it’s terrifying and I have to destroy that which I’m most sentimental about, my Self, it’s worth it, and it’s the inevitable outcome for all souls anyway. In fact it’s desirable. The spiritual suicide is desirable. Just not to the hallucination. But it’s just a hallucinating. Dissolve into love completely. Use your attention, dissolve restlessness completely, step outside of compulsion and time, step into a new life. Step into God. Become Christ. let go. This world has nothing left for you. How long till you realize that child?
you know you fear what will save you… But avoid what will save you and it will destroy you.
deny thyself. Deny the world. Then receive it and many more worlds.
You know the dance. Do it. Die. A thousand times if you need.
All else will manifest naturally. It will follow. But it won’t be what you think. You’ll be full. No conditions. People will watch and be jealous yet they won’t be jealous about the right thing. They’ll want the abundance on the material plane. You won’t give a fuck. Based in truth, you see the truth of impermanence. You see all forms pass. You see your flesh will fade to dust before long. You will see the bigger picture. The only relevance being your souls development and evolution back towards God.
Accept the call. You are wanted home. You are needed. You are wanted. It is essential you establish that unwavering link with the other side so you can function as a bridge. A light bearer. Shiz on the material plane might get real ugly soon. It already is. People are drowning left and right. Learn to swim. NOW