6.20pm
Last night I was in discomfort again. In my gums and there was pain in my bladder and kidney. It wasn’t majorly bad, was able to stay comfortable. Napped late so couldn’t sleep till 2am. Tired but had a good nap then today at 1pm. Overate this evening after dinner. Didn’t feel satisfied and kept eating. That happens sometimes when tired. I should try automate that I can’t eat without having had meditated first just beforehand. Breakfast after morning kriya, dinner after evening kriya. That would be wise. If i did my skriya after dad left I likely would’ve eaten more mindfully, instead of falling into unconsciousness.
I was really hoping to get a good deal of the videos done today. I did some editing. It’s only 6 so hopefully the post food fatigue will pass and I can get a good bit done this evening. Praying I sleep good tonight, and can fall asleep earlier. I much prefer waking up at around 8 than around 10 or 11.
Grief pain for the ex is worse the past few days. I’m trying to just work with it and not avoid it. Having to see footage hurts. That will be over very soon. Just need to get those two months done. I want to abandon them but dont want to set that precedent. I’m going to rest now and then do pomodoros intermittently while editing.
Im maintaining the essential daily habits that I set for the year. 2x skriya, morning sunlight, journaling, movement, midday rest, read in bed. I will give myself another while to just keep focusing on making these second nature and then after some time I will start introducing Dispenza more and more. I just want a good foundation set first this time so when the process gets scary I wont fall.
20:25
i ate too much. That seems to be my main obstacle now. Eating too much too late. Not eating from hunger but eating from a feeling of lack that’s actually arising from tiredness not hunger. I need to eat a big sufficient meal early. And then a smaller one after. Eating after 4/5 just doesn’t help at all
i want health. I want life. I want freedom. Stop dicking around. Just heal. You know how. Just heal your body and create your dream life. Not hard. Can be easy and quick if you believe it can be. Go all in on the work. Desire it. Know you can have it. Visualise it. Feel it. Admit want you want and embody it. Keep moving closer to it. You can have all you’ve ever dreamed. It will be better than you can imagine. Go!!!