Despite eating lots of pizza yesterday I feel pretty okay today. I also didnt need to nap today. The feeling I’ve had all day is like “wow, I tihnk I’m actually healing. The feeling of crisis in my body and mind has been way less prevalent over the past few weeks.”
I need to keep going with these habits and make sure they fully stick. Slow but incremental progress is what it’s always about. The tortoise not the hare!
I just need to focus on fine tuning my days. Little things I still need to improve:
- Going to be at a more consistent time and not being drained by the time I get into bed so I can
- Read a good bit before sleep (off screens, calming to the mind)
- Get to sunlight faster when outside
- Be more focused and attentive when doing Joe Dispenza’s morning and evening meditations
- Stay off technology – keep the phone away from myself. I noticed checking it becoming habitual so I’m not allowing it into my room anymore.
I’m falling behind in the Tolle course materials and the SRF lessons too. Not majorly, but I really should get stuck in with those.
I think being more regimental with my bullet journal will help. Calender is great for appointments and tasks is great for quickly throwing down things that need to be done but I find working regularly with the physical journal way better. Pen to paper is magic. Lovely feeling.
It takes about two months to make something a habit so I think I’m going to be careful going into february to not overload myself and will focus moreso on fine tuning the essential habits I chose… but I do want to add evening bullet journaling to it. I find writing down a plan for the next day relaxing and having all the essential tasks in that external brain seems to let the mind relax and unwind.
I really like that Ive had the energy over the past week to do pushups, pullups, and squats. Feeling a bit of health back in my body is amazing. I feel like I’m slowly coming back to life.
That super hot doctor was a big motivator. Being attracted to someone so much cooler than you makes you so much more hungry to become cooler. I would love to ask her out, but she’s a GP! So I was thinking.., how cool would I have to be, who would I have to become, to feel confident enough to ask her out…? Like this girl is a gp, she’s passionate about helping people, she’s volunteered helping people in numerous countries, she’s obviously intelligent, she has a pretty face, nice body, and pretty english accent… How do I match that?! I’m semi-retarded, still using the word retarded in 2025, and have spent the last x years being super sick. That said, I am also awesome, or at least there is an awesome self encassed within this pile of shit… but if I can become like an expert sculpter, I can carve the awesomeness out of it! I can free the angel from the stone! (“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free” – Michelangelo) … I would have to heal myself completely. Put on weight. Start being of use to the world – help people. I would have to do all the things I have been ‘planning’ to do for ages. I would have to become who I’ve been designing in my head, who I’ve been endlessly preparing to be, I would have to actually start acting, not just thinking and dreaming and visualising. I’m certain I have the potential to be who I;ve been dreaming for all this time. I know it’s attainable. I know it’s possible. I know who I am. I know what is encassed within this stone. I know I can create whatever life I want. I know I have infinite potential. I know I can create great art, master yoga and healing, and help teach yoga and healing. That is ultimately what I have always wanted. I wanted to save myself and help others save themselves, and I wanted to create cool art. Basically I want to be a shaman. I love awe. I love wonder. I love the feeling of rapture! I love beauty. I love magic. I love the flow state. I love music. I love euphoria and I love bliss. I love art. I love creativity. I love that electricity. I love love. I love God. I would love to heal myself so I am able to suffer considerably less, while having the health to celebrate life and feel abundance and joy. I would love to help others go through the yogic process to do the same. I would love to then celebrate life and health and prosperity with people who have then also been liberated. Art, beauty, love, meditation healing, yoga, awe. If I could heal myself, help others heal, and create cool art, I think I could have a chance with the pretty doctor. She’s clearly deeply compassionate and wants to help people… I would just be going at the same mission from a different approach… Maybe the story will unfold that way. It would be fun being Alice’s tour guide to wonderland… If it doesn’t work out though, the desire for her will have propelled me further. There is no greater fuel for ascending than the desire to merge with someone a little out of reach,