11:13
This morning I did morning Joe Dispenza meditation -went fine, but then I went for a walk and did Shambhavi Kriya and that went super fine!
I had this feeling – let go – take the medicine – then I deepened into the meditative state – letting go of all tethers holding me to this time-space. Holding me to myself. I let go of all desires. I literally felt myself root into my spine more deeply. The sensation reminded me of LSD. Just total presence. Total awareness of all sensations in the body. I sat in that for some time and it was super blissful. Just super peaceful and present.
The insight that came from the experience was one that I’ve been focusing on a lot lately. That almost nothing matters. Practically nothing. Only your state of consciousness… and your state of consciousness is altered by perpetual engagement with the external world. I realised how I keep getting tangled up in ideas, plans, projects, etc. Whenever I cultivate energy, I’m like someone poor with money, I just spend it all on the different things I see. The wise way to do it is to keep the energy, invest in your bodymind so it cultivates more energy, and then when you do spend, stick to one thing you’re most passionate about, and always invest in that. The person who chases two rabbits gets none. Stop getting distracted by shiny things. If you are seeking satisfaction from the external world you will have to seek constant novelty because that is needed to keep getting dopamine. You need something new to pursue so you can sell yourself the idea that when you get it all will be different, you will have achieved lasting peace and satisfaction. Then you get it and it doesn’t happen so you go after something else. Then you grow wise that it’s all hopeless and you become depressed. The vision you had when feeling pleasure and hope while pursuing the thing felt real. You could feel the emotions of the desired future while doing that. The destination is real and reachable, but it must be attained within. It has nothing to do with the external world. Your inner purpose involves being. Being free from perpetual dissastifaction and longing is an inside job. It involves your state of being, your state of consciousness. Your outer purpose is what happens automatically as a result of your inner purpose being fulfilled. Your inner purpose is to attain permanent love and bliss consciousness through yoga. Then after that your outer purpose will all flow and unfold beautifully. Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all else will be added unto you.
“I had come to realize God and sing his praises, but as soon as I came out of the womb I began collecting cotton fruit (the fruit that when ripe and good-looking disintegrates at the touch”
Maharajji quoting Ramakrishna
So yeah… I realised I need to cease getting tangled up in so many different things and I must be super vigilant and strict about what enters into my domain. You can do anything but not everything. I need to decide what truly matters to me and just stick to that. Keep things simple. Super simple. Prioritise above all staying in that state of bliss and love consciousness. That’s what matters. Most of the things you could be doing, even the things that seem like great ideas, aren’t great ideas. They are distractions from the small handful of things you should be giving all of yourself to.
“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”
Steve Jobs
If I’m to engage with the physical world at my fullest, I need to select a small number of things. I don’t want my energy being scattered in countless directions. The things that matter to me the most are:
- Reading
- Music (listening and creating)
- Writing
- Working out
- Going for walks, spending time with family.
If I’m not sleeping, doing meditation/yoga, or eating, I should be doing one of these.
I do like talking to a camera to capture ideas. It’s like talking to a super neutral listener. In that sense the YouTube thing made sense, I just overcomplicated it. Just talking to the camera occasionally will take no time.
This is the key to life. Figure out what is most precious to you, and protect your time and energy like crazy. Refuse reject ignore all the different things that are trying to take a bit of you. Figure out what you love the absolute most and preserve your time and energy for these things. This is basically minimalism. Simplicity is key for a good life. Life is a game of energy management.
14:14
While resting I realised that I tend to be in a perpetual state of tension caused by the underlying belief that life is a problem to be solved. That something is wrong. I’m perpetually resisting. In this rest session I kept saying “you dont have to do anything. Nothing needs to be done. You can just relax now. All is well” and it put me in a really nice state. This was an insight I had on mushies before. That everything is ultimately okay and nothing must be done, yet my mind perpetually thinks and tires itself out. I must learn to undo this subconscious tendency and learn to live more perpetually from a state of wholeness/fullness/rest/okayness/spaciousness.