17:47
I ate unconsciously last night and so slept poorly. I woke up feeling pretty rough. No motivation. I managed to do all my meditations. On the morning walk I reached an amazing state where I seen 360 degree view around my body and my heart felt like it was totally open and I felt connected to infinity. There was a feeling of bliss and total freedom from concern/longing. Really beautiful. I felt immortal. Totally in the now. I then setup the midi keyboard finally and had fun with that. As the day went on I got more tired, and struggled to rest, but eventually did. I then spent a good 20/30mins watching the sun set which was beautiful. I’m super sleepy though. I wish I was just finished with ever eating unconsciously. It totally messes up sleep.
20:55
Shit’s getting so trippy. My sense of self has altered so much over the past few weeks. I’m having so many impossible experiences and I have learned to stop talking about them which is making them happen more. Since my ego is constructed out of memories and understandings of the material world, it is being dissolved by the mystical experiences, because they are impossible to deconstruct and reconstruct as something that fits into my simulated world – which everyone does – they simulate worlds in their head where they can be God and that is the ego. This is the reason for perpetual thinking – it acts as a filter where you dont need to face anything and all of ‘true’ reality is instantly converted into lower resolution symbols that you can more easily understand. Because reality is infiinitely unkowable, so we turn it into language and symbols, then we live in our own little world, daydreaming our way through life. This is why psychedelics create feelings of awe and profundity. We have to see everything without the filters that make reality appear falsely mundane. We make reality mundane because it feels safer and more tangible.