10:18am
ok. So…
love is good. Rest is good. Be still today. Take it easy with yourself.
I seem to have some subconscious programming which causes my default way of being to be one in which I feel there to be something wrong with life or myself which necessitates action and striving. Action out of lack or need is doomed to fail and lead to misery. Action that arises out of love and wholeness is perfect and leads to desirable things.
my main obstacle to overcome is the tendency to act when rest is needed, and to only rest enough to act again. I must live more slowly and fill up my battery to 100% continually instead of just charging it to 15% and then rushing back into engagement with the external world
loving myself, practicing metta, seems to be the solution. When I love myself I see myself as responsible for caring for my monkey. For my body. I see that my role here is to take care of my being. To love life, to care for life, to make life well. The life closest to me is me. Step one is taking good care of this life that I have been given.
Nothing must be done.
Why seek positive emotion, or relief from tension, from the world of external stimuli when you know you can feel total wholeness and bliss from yoga?
Acting in the world is beautiful and fun when you are well rested and feeling bliss.
Then your actions are expressions of your alignment and they end up serving the development of your soul.
When your wholeness and bliss isn’t dependent upon external stimuli, then you are free. You have liberated yourself. You have free will because you can now do any actions. Only some actions release pleasure, so if you are in any way suffering or tense you will gravitate towards those actions and you will avoid anything that’s boring, uncomfortable, or difficult. When you feel bliss and wholeness independent of the external world, you can do any task. This allows you to move into better futures because you’re capable of doing what your higher self deems ideal. You’re not just stuck watching your bodymind try keep itself in equilibrium by entertaining itself or doing familiar tasks.
the most logical thing for me to do today is rest. I will eat now, get sunlight, and if I want to engage with external reality I will do the Joe Dispenza course. I won’t push myself today. I will be gentle with myself. I will rest when needed. I will not act compulsively. I will not allow myself to act out of restlessness. When I am restless, I will rest.