23:55
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Hmmm… Weed helps me relax. There is definite utility in it. I am glad I have learned to use it again… but I think I need to strengthen discipline and structure again. I think weed will help most with a structure formed. Since Italy I haven’t started doing any of practices again. I think I need to make a rule where I can’t smoke in the evening if I haven’t done the daily essentials.
I want to be alert. In control. High awareness. Discipline. Etc.
Rest is key. Cannabis helps rest. That is good… but striving is also key. I will go to sleep now, hopefully sleep well and wake freshed, then I will journal and meditate.
It is important that I don’t munch so much too late too
I need strict structure surrounding sleep and Sadhana. Keeping them good is key. I want to feel the freedom that comes with good discipline, I want to see myself moving towards desired goals like getting better at certain things. getting things done. Making stuff. I want to feel close to God also. I want to feel orderly. I need to wake early and write, and have lots of morning hours where I am awake without food digesting so I can read and write and meditate. I want systems. I want routine. I want to get that back. Sleep good tonight. Sleep well/. Twim into sleep. Wake and do twim. Have a good morning. Tune into the scared. Read good books. Tidy room. Stay off tech. Nap well. Go to yoga. Watch something with fam, ideally a movie. Jason Segal one, Yes.
Think good thoughts. Trust yourself. Stay off tech. Do things that bring you joy. Cannabis is good. Just stay alert. Stay loving. You are doing great. Keep trusting. Keep surrendering. Keep loving. Make moevements to giving more time for dad. Could go whenever. AL and SL… I should give a little more time. Even if it means I get the bus over and back I guess. Get mattress. Even if cheap one.
Sleep. TWIM. Wake. Meditate a lot. Write. Tidy room. Clean good energy. Read books. Weed does dull you a bit. I definitely don’t feel as sharp, but i feel calm. I just need to figure out how often makes sense. I definitely find it reduces pain and tension, but it makes life feel less high stakes, and it dulls my awareness a bit, but thats partially what makes the tension go away/ Hmm…. I will see. Maybe tension is good. Maybe pain and anxiety can be good? Neem Karoli Baba said pain is good because it brings you closer to God. I definitely feel more clsoe to God when I am suffering and forced to surrender and ask for guidance. Ive been stoned for a bit now, and it makes me feel safe. Things feel alright. I just kinda enjoy stuff. I enjoy food and music and tv. I enjoy being. That’s a good thing tho, no? Idk, Is it good to enjoy the recreational activities on the titanic if it is sinking? is it not better to be disturbed by the situation at hand, so you act appropriately? but is rest not key for performing well.. and does it not help rest. I think I should use it but not daily. Maybe I will switch to only one weekends to see what happens. I wonder how Dave Chapelle uses it. That dude seems sharp.