Just one day off the phone and I feel so much clearer…
May be partially caused by the 23 hour fast. Or the meditation. Or the feeling of connection to God that I felt while watching The Chosen. I had quite a blissful walk afterwards. I was very present. Watching my surroundings. Feeling rooted in my body, in the present moment. No mindmovies distracting me. Just peace and surrender and detachment. I want to stay at peace always. I want to be totally free. It doesn’t matter what I decide to do with this life as long as I am continually connected to the sensation of being.
The now.
The only thing that ever truly existed anyway.
Real life is nice.
Everyone is obsessing over health and optimal living. Listening to those podcasts. Cold showers. Optimising sleep. No alcohol. No cannabis. No carbs… Stress and tech are the main two monsters. The other things are nothing. Sardinians drink too much caffeine, and they drink it too late. They eat so much carbs. They drink alcohol. The smoke. They live long, and enjoy being alive.
Stress & tech. They are the obstacles. They are the thorns in our sides. A Buddhist from forever ago would say the mind and stress. The mind and the unnecessary suffering it creates. When I say stress and tech, I’m basically saying the same thing. Tech is just our minds externalised and amplified.
Truth is a real thing. This sentence sounds silly. I just can’t stop thinking it. Reality is real. There is something that is real. Believe in God or don’t. Be a scientist or don’t be. There is truth. Truth exists. Truth is there. It isn’t conceptual. How could it be in any way detached. If there is truth, it is what you are. You are it. You are swimming in it. You can’t hide from it. It is everywhere. Enlightenment is just ceasing to be in a state of delusion. Enlightenment is the natural state, unending. I go in and out of it. We all do. Staying there is the difficult part. Desires and delusions cause us to get stuck in the circus again repeatedly. Sometimes we get disillusioned, and we leave the circus, and get a taste of freedom, but then the circus gets recreated. It gets a re-design. Then you fall for it again. It evokes desire in you again. You get hooked again. Capitalism/consumerism is just maya externalised. Maya is the original marketer. Master of advertising. With incredible watch retention. People get hooked. They can’t look away. They spend their lives continually siphoning energy out into some false pursuit. Worshipping some false idol. Chasing some rainbow. The more ones awareness grows, the more disillusioned they become, so they need a more convincing lie. They need a more convincing false pursuit. Someone that was once playing video games and smoking weed, is now pursuing a PHD in religion, becoming a serious intellectual, reading, connecting dots, really striving to make some sort of impact in the field. As the dog gets bigger they need a bigger juicier bone to chew on. I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t know anything. As soon as I start roleplaying as someone who knows that they are saying, then I’m back in the game. I’m back pretending. I know nothing. I never will. I surrender.