Saturday

went to nephews 18th.

Drank 3 beers and 1 something else. Rum with sweet stuff. Had a cigarette. Pizza. Cake. Retardmaxxing.

enjoyed a few convos

enjoyed playing smash bros

wish em all well

dog is adorable

i feel like I’m always looking from the outside in.

Part of it is caused by the health issues but I was also like that before. I’ve got a bit of what R has, for sure.

i think part of it is philosophical as well

Lack of shared values

I don’t enjoy alcohol. I like doing stuff. Reading stuff. Writing. Learning.

i see value in socialising for socialisings sake. I just find there to be an emptiness in the format created by alcohol. A hollowness. And I wonder if I’m just incompatible with it. But then I get the impression that they aren’t exactly abundant of energy and very fulfilled enjoying life

i like bliss

i like yoga

i like God

i like meditation

i like living outside of compulsiveness

i don’t find hedonism satisfying. I don’t think anyone does

i think this is just the stereotypical situation of the monk witnessing the circus of life and feeling disillusioned by it all and seeking something else

perhaps I just don’t belong here

if I was in India I guess I’d go live in an ashram

but I want access to books and instruments and stuff