(Written at 04.40am as a text to a friend)
I’ve been drinking beers a lot more lately and going pubs. It sort of keeps alternating between “this is dope, socializing is fun and healthy I love people” and “man this shit is sad all these people are lost and unwell, being lost makes you a loser. Not wanting to go to sleep leads you away from prospering.”
Do you get this bouncing between having fun and loving it but then sometimes being disillusioned by it and feeling there is a better way? Or do you find it satisfying consistently? (‘it’ being alcohol+socializing I guess)
Theres a lot of fun with fun, and wholesome moments with people, but I just find something is missing. I found being in a relationship more meaningful and fulfilling than more meaningless and shallow drunk connections. The people who drink regularly tend to be all irritable and unhappy when sober in the days.
Sitting alone at home isn’t the solution of course. A combo of fun hobbies and a healthy relationship seems to be the thing to strive towards.
From what I can see, the men stuck in this lifestyle of drinking to socialize all seem to desire a partner, but can’t get one.
You gotta create a thing in solitude that attracts them. Make a nest kind of thing. Like one of those birds. It involves doing something that requires effort while alone, which the drinkers don’t wanna do. They scratch the itch for connection and intimacy by getting drunk and having interactions which wouldn’t have even happened if both parties weren’t intoxicated. Not connections that build a tribe around you. Dipping from the perpetual dicking around to become a version of you that attracts a mate, and then starting a family, seems to be the desirable choice, because the bachelor lifestyle becomes progressively less fun and enjoyable across age, whereas creating a loving family creates something that lasts. I think the cynicism/nihilism with the world and fear of the future causes people to not be attracted by the idea of family. It’s this sort of fatalist approach which many are in due to a number of factors but I think the best approach is just avoid the news and have hope in humanity and the future and say fuck it, I love life, let me create a good life for myself and bring some new beings in to enjoy it.
If one of your parents didn’t overcome their bullshit, and weren’t able to create good patterns for you to download, then you end up tangled up in the same patterns and cycles they were in, which gives you an undesirable model of having kids. The key is to realize it’s possible to edit yourself. To delete things and create new things. Your personality is a vehicle you’re piloting and it can be re-engineered.
People resist change though, and they romanticize and glamorize their lifestyle, even if they’re unhappy and unfulfilled. They often generate some philosophy around it. They find caring lame. They talk about how the world’s ending anyway. They call the hopeful naive. They don’t realize that how you view the world is just a reflection of your state, and your state depends on your nervous system and how it’s functioning, and that depends on your sleep quality, what you consume, exercise, and mental talk. If you do the things that make your body well, instead of being a gooner, then you start to feel good and blissful without the need of external things, then you start to blossom more, and then women are attracted to you. You’ve created something worth gathering around. You’ve turned yourself into something worth gathering around. Then someone pretty comes along and decides to be your other half. Your teammate. And it’s a beautiful thing. Bring so much meaning. To have a best friend that is also your lover. Other half. To create stories. To have shared lore. And then they’ll ultimately bring a child into it. Someone that you love more than you could have ever loved anyone else. You love them more than you love any friend, any lover, any sibling, any parent. I can’t imagine what that must feel like. A reason to have a bedtime. A reason to never make dumb decisions that make you irritable and tired. I really want meaning. I want love. I want community. I want humanity to prosper. I want to be loving and blissful while sober so my children can be loving and blissful while sober