Scroll down to the star (*) to read from where I think is worth reading from.
It’s currently 00:39… technically it’s the 28th.
I got high. I’m very high. My conclusion is that I should get high more. It stimulates thinking in a positive way. It feels like it could be a catalyst for positive change. I see in hindsight I don’t avoid it because I think it’s bad for me but because i fear it. I’m avoiding it like I’m avoiding meditation. It makes you confront everything like a psychedelic. It throws you outside your comfort zone. It makes me more verbal. I think more. I feel more alive. I feel more capable of solving deep problems because I feel I can understand them more. I feel like cannabis can be a great ally, and has been a great ally throughout my life, and for some reason I don’t value it now. I don’t acknowledge and stay aware of the benefits for some reason.
Cannabis is an ally. I will try to use cannabis a little more. More than every three months anyway, which has been the way for all of 2025.
I came home from being with J&P, and then talked to mam for a good while. It was a positive conversation. It felt healing in a way. Truth is healing. Discussing things as they are is healing.
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During the conversation I went on a rant about Jesus and love and healing and stories. I talked about how society and culture seems to be degenerating currently, how people are super disconnected at the moment, across generations and within generations. There is a huge cultural divide because of technology, but also an individual divide. People share activities less. People interact with each other less. There is a general lack of enthusiasm. There is no religion, no guiding story, which brings us together. The levels of dopamine released from technology use, and how your algorithms personalize to you, and how internet use is quite a solitary activity, these things are causing people to spend less time with one another. My professors at college said there was a noticeable difference in sociability before and after covid. I think covid sped up something that was already in motion. The disconnect caused by a growing lack of shared activities, in turn caused by the increasing personalization and stimulation from technology, along with there being no shared stories or unifying symbols to keep us together.
I discussed the physiology of this. Things go well when the monkey is in good health. If you feel good, you are loving and want to connect and share good vibes with those around you. It’s impossible to say through words, but basically life goes right when things are in alignment and healthy. When an individual feels totally at peace and blissed out in their body, they connect and spread love, and often this love, if powerful enough, can become life a spiritual fire, that people gather around, share warmth from, and then develop community around. Christ did this. Within his life he created feelings of love, faith, safety, belongingness, community. His life and the story of his life continued to burn like a spiritual fire that people gathered around, that art was made around, that societies and cultures and stories and families all formed around. It’s a central pillar. We are lacking one of these currently.
In 1831, a man named Nicholas Motovilov met with a beloved Russian Orthodox saint and mystic, Saint Seraphim of Sarov (1754–1833), in a forest. Motovilov had spent years searching for the true purpose of the Christian life and had found no satisfying answers. During their meeting, St. Seraphim famously explained that the goal of life is the “acquisition of the Holy Spirit.” To demonstrate this, the saint was reportedly transfigured before Motovilov’s eyes, becoming radiant with a blinding, divine light and a “wonderful fragrance.” One of the things he said in this conversation was;
“Acquire a peaceful spirit, and around you thousands will be saved“.
I think is this true, I think acquiring a spirit of peace is the most difficult thing to truly achieve though.
The key is organising/taming/controlling/healing the mind and the energy of the body/spirit in such a way that you are in consistent bliss, feeling love and compassion. I think peace isn’t cold empty neutral okay-ness. Peace comes with this warm feeling of safety and love and compassion. Achieving this state makes you deeply loving with those around you. Christ achieved this state I feel. He had a strong connection to what I read in a early 1900s occultist book as being “permanent love consciousness”. This is the goal of yoga. This is what Jesus and many saints achieved. From this state you can still suffering and grieve and feel frustration at the disorder of the world, but those emotions seem to arise within a context that causes them to not cause so much damage. They arise within the context of knowing completely in each moment that I and the father are one.
So they don’t destabilize and cause one to get cut off from the ‘holy spirit’ by perpetually hiding from reality through stimulating themselves with external means. Addiction and contentment, bondage and liberation, restlessness and peace. These are the polarities we are looking at. Restlessness and unease lead one to perpetually stimulate themselves with thoughts or with external stimuli, and this done over time numbs a person, and can cause chronic stress and make the body generally agitated and unwell. Agitation in the body brings irritability and disorder more generally.
Life stops blossoming. Quality of interactions with people decreases. The person may rely more and more then on the methods of stimulating themselves that they have come to favor. The vices, habits, hobbies, entertainment. (Of course entertainment and hobbies can be healthy normal aspects of life, but they can also be unhealthy, things we use to hide in when we need to be facing life.) They rely on them more and more to reduce the suffering basically, because stimulation reduces pain, pleasure and pain work in a seesaw relationship, and if their mind is busy with an experience, it is temporarily sedated by the distraction. This isn’t a good approach because in the background the pain/suffering increases. The debt grows. The garden of your life withers.
The good news is, there is another way, and it is a lovely process and adventure. It is one of increasing ones awareness by rearranging how you live so that your consciousness isn’t perpetually dulled. You overcome restlessness and perpetual consumption/stimulation. You achieve a spirit of peace, so that you feel bliss with non-activity. Then how you act in the world, your activity, will be an expression of love and fullness and bliss and completion, instead of expressions of lack, scarcity, thirst.
Love yourself until restlessness dissolves and you become one with the father, dissolving into the present moment. Sit here for a long time while conditionings dissolve. Enjoy the bliss and deepen into the bliss. Use attention and concentration. Continually let go of compulsions and cravings. Continually satisfy each craving that arises by feeling bliss and completion. Exit the programmes and attain a higher level of freewill by refusing to act as a result of the automatic conditionings of the body. Sit outside of time, outside of patterns, outside of Self. Sit with God in the infinite ultimate present. Dissolve in love and bliss, in acceptance and contentment and peace.
Heal totally. All illusions of the flesh, all compulsions and conditionings losing their power over you as your awareness of truth grows, and then you no longer live on autopilote, automatically identifying with that which is not you, and instead, thanks to meditation, you know thyself. You and the father are one. Connected through the holy spirit. On the material plane this looks like a body in a very good state. The heart and brain functioning in coherence. The personal feels safety, contentment, and bliss. Compulsiveness, addictions, and general restlessness and perpetual mind activity has ceased. The person realises that one can be aware without thinking, one can think without thinking. They are not thinking. They are not their thoughts. The absence of thoughts/emotions/stimuli/content is not something to be feared and avoided, it is the location of our salvation.
Make a home in love. In space. In acceptance. In non-activity. From here you will be in peace. Here is where we need to go.
TWIM – Tranquil Wisdom Insight Meditation is one the best and most direct paths to this state.