11:58
So last night I got into bed relatively early. Maybe 10pm. I wasn’t very wound down. Partially because I had eaten quite late, and because I had spent hours on the screen booking the holiday to El Campello.
To try calm myself into sleep, I lay into bed and read some Osho (his book on creativity) and then I listened to Osho. My body became activated with bliss and energy. It increased to an unusually high amount and didn’t stop for hours. I think I must have been awake until about 3am. By the end of the night I was having really profound sensations and insights. I felt my center dissolving. I felt myself dissolve into emptiness. Thoughts kept dropping away, they couldn’t gain a hold anywhere because the bliss generated clarity which allowed to me to continually see that I am not the thoughts. I also had a very clear insight into the nature of unity and separation. I could see that the sense of being an individual ego is a hallucination generated by the perpetual mind activity. I could see that we are all one. That there is only one of us. I could see that there is no distinction between mind/consciousness and matter. I could see that everything is mind. Everything is connected. Everything is one thing. At several points throughout this I did have the thought “dammit Osho! I could’ve used some sleep”, but ultimately I surrendered to the experience. It was very euphoric at times. Very blissful. Very illuminating.
It made me realise how essential detachment is. Remaining detached from the methods of meditation. Remaining in the state of stillness/emptiness/presence. Don’t fall into the role of being a meditator. A seeker seeking enlightenment.
Abiding non-dual awareness is the true state. The natural state.
The only thing to practice is the be more and more at ease with what is. To let go of attachments to that which is not. To see the insanity of perpetually thinking there is something to get, something to change. No need to improve. All is good as it is. Leave it all be. The desire to improve is a symptom of the delusion of separateness, of lack.
Trying is the issue. Right effort is a subtle thing. Effort must be made. As Jung said, laziness is a powerful force, but you aren’t meant to strain. You aren’t meant to tense up. Overcome the resistance. Don’t let the downward pull of inertia drag you into lower frequencies. This requires intention and a sort of effort, but at the same time, you’re meant to stay blissed out and in a state of effortless flow and grace.