21:45am
Hindu yogi dude on insta said something along the lines of “dont kill your ego, Thats not the point. As Carl Jung says, it is the source of your light. Make the ego healthy and functional. Stop lying, you don’t want to become no one. You want to be someone. You just want to give up becacuse wanting to be someone, and trying to be someone, is failing and causing suffering because you are attached to the outcome. You are clinging to things going a certain way. In the fight of life, you are too zoomed in, identified with the pain of each blow. You can be above, watching, from a little space. A little separation. Then you dont feel the pain. You just watch, detached, but you allow the ego to do its thing. To fight. To seek. To develop. To grow.
I think that is sort of where I am as of late. I have shifted gears. I’m not prioritising enlightenment. I have certain things I want. I want to do certain things. I want to be a certain version of myself. That desire is a good source of fuel to heal. It makes my ego want to heal more. The ego is the horse Im riding. I need to cater to its desires, I need work with it, work with the grain. “learn how to use the engine, stop trying to turn it off”. There are things I haven’t wanted deeply for over a decade. I want these things deeply. They make me want a physically healthy body intensely enough to do the work. I’m going to heal and become my highest self. I am going to be creatively prolific and learn the skills i need to learn to do the things i want to do. I will take with me all I have learned through yoga and that will allow me to move very quickly towards said goals, so I have no reason to be thinking Im in anyway behind. With the efficiency of yoga, when my health is restored, I will be able to move one pointedly towards my desired future, and it will all happen effortless and spontaneously. Manifestation. Here we go. Heal and create and evolve.