23.03
fuckkkk this.
i feel I’m stuck in some awful cycle again. Like a nightmare realm where I’m being haunted.
its awful
wtf is reality
Good is real. Evil is real. There are real stakes to reality. Take it seriously. Stop dicking around. Focus focus focus. Tragedy everywhere. Mental illness getting crazy common. Everyone crazy fucking scattered. Adhd and autism going through the roof. Autoimmune disorders. Chronic health issues. Gut issues. Pain pain pain pain pain. Anxiety and depression. Suicide. Hopelessness. Dimentia and Alzheimer’s. And that’s just the fucking Western world. The Middle East is its own crazy nightmare, majorly caused by the dysfunction and insanity of westerners. Things are spiralling down for humanity and all the meditation has caused me to see too clearly and I can’t hide anymore in any vices it just doesn’t work and there are numerous parts of me and it is like my higher self is demanding more and more and more from myself and isn’t allowing me any comforting ignorance I just gotta keep facing reality and keep taking responsibility in a way. Like saying okay, fuck, how can I be of service then. I need to help these people. How can I help these fucking people. How can I try and tip things back in the right direction. How can I slow things down. Drug use in Ireland going crazy. Obesity, mental issues, physical health issues. Hse crisis. Waiting lists to see specialists for people in major pain is crazy long. A and e waiting time is 19 hours average and higher for the elderly as they arent prioritised
this shit is utter insanity
and i don’t feel comfortable hiding from it because I feel like I could be of service
i feel like if I got my act completely together I could lead a movement in the right direction. I really think the yogic science. Meditation has an insane ability to heal. We can change things so fast for the better by harnessing the power of the mind. By manifesting our spirit into flesh. By transcending the lower self, the dumb moronic autopilot little ego monkey thing, and allowing the divine higher intelligence to work through us, then we can change things for the better at a speed that would seem impossible under rational inspection.
Addictiion to mind wandering. Desires. Craving. Insecurities. Fears. Anxiety. Vices. Habits. Technology use. Juicing ourselves for pleasure. Stimulating ourselves for pleasure. Letting our egos just go on autopilot. This is the issue. This is the insanity. This keeps us totally dumb and restricts the divinity that we are from having the wheel. Totally surrendering to God in each moment is the key. That is the key because then we have free will becahse our body isn’t running the show anymore. We have free will again. We can do as we wish again. No longer enslaved. No longer stuck in bondage.
if you go hard enough at meditation for long enough to can eventually be totally liberated and state living outside of delusion. I have gotten there endless times but I alwaysssss fall back into autopilot. Into identifying with ego. Into desires. Into compulsively stimulation myself. Getting tangled up in the 3d world. And ultimately then becoming miserable because I’ve fallen again for the illusion of separation and my motivations are arising from the imaginary ego sense of self, survival / biology wiring, not spirit. I must stay as emptiness so my actions arise from emptiness. I must stay detached because being detached is sanity and insanity is thinking that there are major stakes to the 3D which causes you to get attached to outcomes. Enlightened is never giving a fuck about anything again, but being fully here. Fully in the world but not of the world. I need to just keep going that direction until there isn’t a single shadow of a doubt that the ego is totally dead and will never come back to life. That I have truly broken out of the gravitational field of Maya and will not be slowly pulled back towards its mass. Further further further. Like mckenna says. Like Ken Keseys bus. FURTHER. FURTHER. FURTHER.
keep going. Let everything fade. Let everything you’ve ever had any attachment for disappear. Keep walking without fear towards the sun. Into the sun. Into the black hole. Until there is nothing left. Never go back to comfort and familiarity. Commit spiritual suicide. As long as you are a bitch to the body-mind system, then you won’t have free will, and your attention will be scattered, your awareness will be blunted, your intelligence will be limited. Your ability to act in the world will therefore be majorly limited… As long as you are identifying automatically with the activity of the mind and body, then you are enslaved, and it makes you dumb. You act on the bodies compulsiveness and it causes you to get stuck more and more in autopilot and it leads to misery. To adhd and mental illness. Endlessly restless and seeking and dissatisfied.
I go all in with yoga.
i totally heal myself.
i liberate myself.
i attain sanity.
i then have constant access to presence/truth/awareness/emptiness/freedom/divinity
therefore I see clear
and am not moved by anything other than the holy Spirit
therefore I see the path clearly and I’m not tempted off of it
therefore I walk in the right direction therefore I become someone actively causing positive change in the world, reducing suffering, increasing consciousness. GO ALL FUCKING IN NOTHING ELSE MATTERS. GO ALL THE WAY AND THEN GO WAY WAY WAY FURTHER. ONCE YOU THINK YOURE FULLY IN THE BLACK HOLE. FULLY DISSOLVED. KEEP FUCKING GOING UNTIL YOUVE EXITED OUTSIDE THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DAMN THING. DISSOLVE TOTALLY. HEART OPEN ALL DAY. CONSTANTLY AWAKE AND CONSCIOUS. CONSTANTLY FREE. DO NOT FALL BACK INTO ANY FORM OF SLEEP. IF YOU HAVE TO GO TEMPORARILY MANIC AND INSANE IN THE EYES OF OTHERS THEN FUCKING DO IT MAN. OTHERS ACT AS IF YOUVE GONE BONKERS IF YOU JUST ALTER YOUR DIET MINORLY. THEY ARE ALL TERRIFIED LITTLE CRABS IN A BUCKET THAT HAVE ASSOCIATED THE FAMILIARITY AND PREDICTABILITY OF THE BUCKET AS SAFETY. IF YOU TRY EECAPE THE BUCKET THEY JUST SEE THAT AS THE PREDICTABLE FAMILIARITY CHANGING AND WILL RESIST IT AND TRY PREVENT IT. GO GO GO. LISTEN TO NO ONE. ZERO INPUT. EVERYONE IS THE WALKING DEAD. INCLUDING YOU MOST OF THE TIME. LISTEN TO NO ONE. MIRROR NO ONE. FOLLOW NO ONE. WALK INTO THE UNKNOWN. TRUST GOD. ACCEPT THE CALL TO ADVENTURE. FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO. THESE MORONS WILL NEVER SAVE THEMSELVES. ROT WITH THEM IN THE ‘COMFORT’ OF AUTOPILOT OR ESCAPE AND ATTAIN TRUE AWAKENESS AND SANITY AND THEN THROW THE ROPE DOWN FOR ANYONE WHO IS SUFFICIENTLY FRUSTRATED ENOUGH TO MAKE THE HERCULEAN EFFORT NEEDED TO TAKE THE LEAP OF FAITH INTO THE ABYSS.