i found 3 ticks on me this morning. I had an absolute meltdown. Tears for like an hour. Screaming. Punching wall. Bit extreme but in my defence I’ve been in constant physical pain/discomfort for 6 whole years since the last time I got numerous ticks at Killarney national park.
if this gives me another dose of Lyme I’m gonna be… Like idk if I have the energy to endure more. I don’t. Genuinely. I’d either die from exhaustion or just have to check out. I mean I’d probably just endure it but man I’d rather be dead than have to endure moreeeee fucking pain. It’s endless. Im ready for health and vitality now. My dad called me while I was having meltdown and said something like get a grip that’s pathetic, in response to my being emotionally volatile. I said don’t call someone pathetic when you can’t feed yourself or keep your surroundings clean. I can’t stand the dude. I find it so hard being anywhere near him. I feel awful but I just keep thinking I hope he doesn’t have too long left to live. That’s really awful to think. I love him but yeah he’s a constant drain and a worry.
on a lighter note… I thought of IOC a couple days ago and decided I should reach out. Got a missed all today and someone texted saying sorry man called by accident. Said who’s this. It was IOC!. He said he’s also been thinking to reach out.
looking forward to connecting with him. Love that dude. Great childhood friend.
i wrote a song to completion today too!!! And recorded. That felt so good. Soon I’ll be in the habit and it will just happen like clockwork. It ain’t that deep. It isn’t magic. I will make a habit of writing songs and it’ll be so creatively fulfilling. I will love it. No matter how bad my health gets I won’t stop doing that. I love Mac. North star.
I went and played basketball with DK, JH, and ER. Was fun. I really liked DK, he has good energy. I hope he finds peace. ER is a bit of a twat. Not sure where the arrogance is coming from. Maybe its coming from insecurity. Frustrated incels everywhere. I dont mean that in the mean way. It’s just the situation. Many in modernity are falling into low energy lifestyles and they then feel unhappy and are then unkind and ratty with others because they feel dissatisfied. People who are doing well are generally more friendly to others because their cups are over filling and they are happy with themselves. It also just varies according to personality… Then played soccer which was nice with the sky looking beautiful. MS was there. Had a negative interaction with him but he called afterward and said sorry he had been drinking. Lot of people lost and scattered around here. I wish em well. If I’m staying in Ireland I do hope I get a car soon because I’d love that freedom. The people out sneem direction feel more my vibe but I like being able to leave when I want to leave so I dont want to visit them until I have my own wheels.